Scoopin’ the Poopin’

Posted on Jun 28 in Generally Speakingby Jeff K.Print

Lately, I’ve been on a tear about the proper way to walk a dog. There is one matter I have not touched upon because I thought it was intuitive. Apparently, it is not. While walking my own dogs in my neighborhood, I have recently had to sidestep many piles of dog poop.

Here is a recent conversation between me and my wife as we were out walking our two dogs, Kelsey and Royce:

“Where do you want to eat dinner tonight?”

“I don’t know. How about—watch it! Poop!”

“I see it. We could go to that Vietnamese place on—LOOK OUT! You almost stepped in that one.”

“Thanks. That Vietnamese place is nice, but we just had Chinese on Tues . . .man, look at that pile!”

“Let’s not talk about dinner anymore. I’ve lost my appetite.”

This is not a neighborhood where dogs run wild, so I have to assume, the culprits were accompanied by their owners. One of four things is true about owners who do not clean up after their dogs:

1. They are naturalists who believe Mother Nature will eventually take care of the problem.
2. They have bad backs and cannot bend over to pick up the deposit
3. They forgot to take a poop collection bag with them before they left the house.
4. Their dog left a deposit, and they don’t give a deposit about how it impacts others in the neighborhood.

Let me address each of these possibilities.

1. Naturalists: Mom Nature is a busy lady. She takes a long time to get around to each pile. Here is the math: Assuming it is thunderstorm season, it is going to take Mom about a month to clean up what Fifi hath wrought. Let’s say an average of 45 people per day pass by Fifi’s art work in a 31-day month. This means during the time nature takes to erase the problem, 1,395 people will have to do the Neutron Dance to avoid bringing a present from Fifi home in the soles of their shoes.

2. Bad backs: As someone who suffers from a bad back, I can empathize with those who are reluctant to stoop for poop. However, comma, there are many devices on the market shelf for retrieving items at ground-level without bending over. There are also back-saving techniques for reaching down without strain. No excuse here.

3. No bags: If you have not yet seen the many choices in poop bag holders that attach to your dog’s leash, now is the time to go shopping. A good bag holder will carry a roll of 25 or more bags in a cylindrical container not much bigger than a large pill bottle. You can pull one bag at a time from the holder, and as long as you refill the holder when necessary, a fresh bag should always be available when you need it.

4. I don’t care: As for those who look up and down the street to see if anyone noticed their dog added to the landscape and then walk away as though nothing happened, I say . . . nothing. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking. I can’t teach integrity now to someone who missed that lesson earlier in life.

I have never figured out the definition of the word curb as it appears in the statement “Curb your dog.” Traditionally, curb means: to stop, or to reduce. When you are out walking your dog, you are not going to stop or reduce his desire to use the great outdoors as nature intended. What the sign maker meant to write was “For the sake of your neighbors, please clean up after your dog.”

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